I’ve just turned 85; about 35 years longer than I ever imagined, based on the fact – irrelevant of course – that my father died in his fifties. I’ve been going through obituaries in Dagens Nyheter to see what age most of the people celebrated there were when they died. The answer turns out to be an extraordinary cluster around the mid-eighties for men – that is, for Swedish men. (A bit more for women.) Of course Swedes are generally healthier than Brits, and I’ve been a Brit for most of my life, and only dual-Swedish for about seven years of it; so that mid-80s average probably doesn’t apply to me. But in any case I must be due to die quite soon. Various little infirmities, and drops in appetite, confirm that. I’m also aware that I’m not writing as well as I used to. The poor old body and brain are wearing out.

I’m not at all worried by the prospect of death; only of dying – the process. ‘Libera me, Domine’ (from Fauré’s Requiem) is one of the pieces I’d like to be played at my funeral. I’ve always found living rather stressful, despite all the privileges I’ve had; which make me feel guilty for not appreciating them more. And I’m fascinated to know what – if anything – is to come. I’d like to believe in a Hell, for people like Trump and Farage; but it seems rather mean and petty – you might even say ‘Trumpian’ – to think like that. My own two guesses about any afterlife are (a) that we simply repeat our same lives over again without realising it, which in my case would be Hell; or alternatively (b) a tour, in spirit, of the universe, like the one described in Olaf Stapleton’s great 1937 Sci-Fi novel Star Maker. That would satisfy my thirst for knowledge. If, that is, we retain the same thirsts after death.

I’m sorry for this personal and rather maudlin post; but it is coming up to Easter, which even for a lapsed Christian like me encourages such thoughts. I hope to be back to life, and to present-day politics, soon. In the meantime, we’ve the Easter day roast lamb to prepare, and Easter eggs for the grand- (and bonus-) kids.